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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I'm Affraid, I'm Happy, I'm Affraid, I'm Happy, Afraid, Happy, Afraid, HAPPY!!!

This feeling....
Come and go like the breath I take...
At times I feel so happy and at the other times I feel so so scared..
The only moment when I feel totally calm is when I'm in my family altar.. 
Grateful for it...
And yeah,, when I'm praying too...
It does feel far more relieve after we spill out all of our burden to someone...

What's I scare of??
The most thing I scare of is my campus subject which I must re-take (read this) overlap with other important subject in my next semester.. >.<
This uncomfortable feeling just came to my mind this morning...
It suddenly came somehow...
I asked one of my senior who has re-took the same subject last year whether it's overlap or not..
And she answered "yes, it is.."
It's overlap with (yes..) important subject... T___T
I know the schedule can change as the new school year change...
I will pray for it everyday!!! >o<

Okay,, out of the topic for a while..
I just did my family altar upstairs at my parents' room..
(God,, I know You SEE me and KNOW my heart THE BEST..)
I think He just answered me through the bible passage..

Tonight we read from Psalm 56 and 57..
Take a look at those two passage,, especially Psalm 56: 4-5..
It says,,

(4) When I am afraid, I will trust in You;
(5) In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust, I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
I also remember a bible verse that my mom got from the new year church service (read the linked post above)..
It's from Isaiah 41: 13 

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you: "Do not fear, I will help you."
And this one as well...
We read this yesterday,, Psalm 55: 23

Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you! He will never let the righteous fall.
I know I must hold on into His word and keep my faith in It..
Sure Dad.. I trust in You.. :) 
Nothing's impossible for You~~ 

After we read the bible passage,, my mom read the verse explanation from the Bible Guide..
I really am touched by explanation of Psalm 56:9b

"air mataku Kautaruh ke dalam kirbat-Mu"
I write in Indonesia language coz the explanation is in that language too..
Too lazy to translate into English.. :P
Here are the explanation..

Allah melihat, mengetahui, dan mencatat semua kesulitan, kesesakan, dan penderitaan kita. (1) Setiap tetes air mata yang dicurahkan seorang percaya dihargai oleh Allah dan disimpan dengan cermat di dalam ingatanNya; Dia mencatat semua itu supaya dapat menghibur dan memberi pahala sesuai dengan penderitaan kita di bumi. Apabila kita tetap setia kepada Allah dalam setiap pencobaan, kita akan menuai kelimpahan sukacita dan kemuliaan bila kita sudah bersama dengan Dia di sorga. (2) Demikian manakala kesulitan, kekhawatiran, atau pencobaan berat menimpa kita, jangan kita lupa bahwa Allah memandang kita dengan penuh kasih sepanjang seluruh pengalaman yang mengecewakan, penyakit, malam tanpa tidur, pencobaan keuangan, atau kesulitan di tempat kerja.
Awesome, huh??!
You're always the best, Dad.. :)

Now continue with the main topic~~
I already wrote the "Affraid" reason..
What about the "Happy" reason??
Many things happen during my holiday that make me never stop praise Him day by day...

♥ Last Christmas,, I expected my mom to buy kue nastar,, but she didn't buy it.. She just bought kue bolu kering and kue lidah kucing.. Guess what?! My mom got a Christmas parcel from her friend and there is kue nastar from Eaton in it.. @.@ 

♥ Some of my last semester's results are already shown and I'm thankful for I've passed most of the student's scariest subject.. Haha..

♥ I got a Kawai organ from my uncle.. It is not a new one and still needs a little fixing.. It's been a very long time I never play organ (I currently play keyboard).. I still get a bit confused with the pedal,, but I'm working on it.. Who knows I can serve Him by playing this not only in Sunday School service,, but also in church's morning or evening service..

 Thanks to Om Piping :)

♥ For this new year gift,, I get a Blackberry from my uncle.. This time is my uncle from my dad's family.. He's working in Batam since long time,, guess.. I don't even remember his face.. My dad told me I have met him before.. Yeah,, some years ago.. Maybe when I'm still a kiddo... -,-" Hmm.. I consider it as replace of my new 1 GB mobile phone's MMC that can load just half full.. Don't know why..

It is BlackBerry Curve 8320 Series

I will always love You no matter what, my miracle-working DADDY.... ^O^

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